#its fun but socializing drains my battery a lot

[bixxelated]

desperately fighting for my life (writing) again wish me luck everybodhy

[eeulysian]

hm enough smut for today, i kinda got tired of it.. sigh, maybe i ate too much. anyhoo, what do u feel about [insert charac] x shy!reader? ^_^ lllike imagine chRCter being all extrovert, party addict, and fun then there's this little lost zoul clinging on the charactwr's arm TT it's be such a cute relationship i swear.

idk what character that would be fit for this role...

reader being shy and possessive after the party (overthinks a lot as well.. im not romanticizing that btw) AKSJDHJEBDHEHEJWHEHU——

“you were talking to them the whole time, u shouldn't have brought me here with u.. they didn't need me there anyway,” tsk. tsk. character ends up cimforting and doing whatever reader wants becuz they neglected them wayy.. too much. (if this even makes sense, im half asleep writing this)🦈🦈🦈🦈 ermm.. im not requesting a fic btw! ur free to make it into one tho. :D

I LOVE THIS TROPE SOO MUCH. its one of my favourite tropes. its like, in terms of animal tropes, it would be golden retriever x black cat. the characters i have in mind for this areeee.... topaz, serval, bai yi, beidou, elysia and kafka. i think all of them would definitely be a perfect fit for this kind of trope. not a fic but just a little short imagine!!

forced to be invited to this rich kid's mansion party by college gf!(char) because she wants to taste the drinks there, eat the food and have fun with other people. you kept refusing at first, because your introverted ass cannot handle crowds. you'd look like a small, crying kitten in the midst of the crowd. you know you'd be pushed here and there, hearing crazy screams and shouting, with rave music in the background and you hated it. in the end, you gave in and was dragged to the mansion by (char). in there was so many people, chatting, laughing, having fun and dancing to the music. (char) saw a friend and ran after them, forgetting you were there with her. 30 minutes passed, you were standing in a corner, a little further from the crowd and you started getting anxious, wondering where she is and why she just left you like that. you decided to just swarm and squiggle into the crowd to find her, feeling your social battery get drained even more. and you spotted her talking with her friend, because her hair color just stood out alot. you ran after her and shyly hugged her from behind, trying to silently tell her that she forgot about you and that you're still here. she flinched a little, but knowing it was you, she gave you an apologetic smile and told her friend that you're her girlfriend in case they were confused.

"y/n, i'm sorry i accidentally left you behind. it wont happen again, i promise", she told you, but you still felt a little insecure that she just... left you like that for a friend. "no it's fine, maybe i shouldn't have been here anyways if i wasn't so important. i don't like parties anyways." you blurted out. she noticed you looked and even sounded sad from that tone, she knew she was going to have to make it up to you with hugs, kisses and snacks when you two get home tonight. she apologizes once again, and tells her friend that she'll be going home earlier to avert her attention more to you. she feels guilty, but she knows you meant no harm and you can't help feeling like that. but she just loves taking care of you and reassuring you anyways, no matter if you guys have huge differences, contrasts and are considered total opposites by others. they say opposites attracts anyways 🤭

[starrzhao]

what are the odds? | k.tr

synopsis you've tried numerous attempts in confessing to taerae but somehow it always ends up turning into unfortunate accidents…misleading taerae into thinking you hate him at some poor attempts

pairing taerae x gn!reader

genre romance, fluff, humor, angst if you squint

word count 9.6k

content/tags sfw, miscommunication/misunderstanding trope, university!au setting, part-time barista!taerae

warnings I am not funny but I tried, swearing, a lotta things are unrealistic (anyways it’s fiction lol) , the y/n here is kind of a dumbass sorry (to clarify, you are not dumb at all! I’m just referring to the mc here 😭😞), low-key gave up halfway so things may be messy, will try to edit and proofread later when I have the time

featuring former boys planet trainees, kum junhyeon , park hanbin , cha woongki and seowon

taglist @leagreenly @kpoprhia @dimplewonie @shanb1n @wtfhyuck @mikaymee (kindly send an ask/dm if you’d like to be added or removed)

HOW IT ALL STARTED

One of your friends, sung hanbin had decided to host an open-mic event at his cafe for the first time. At first, you didn’t want to go because of the number of assignments you had all piled up as your horridly long to-do list was desperate for your attention. but your friend was also desperate too, begging you to come as he was afraid only a few people would bother to show up.

So being the good friend you are (and terrible procrastinator looking for an excuse to not do work), you decided to go. Your other friends, zhanghao, ricky and junhyeon also tagged along to support as well.

To your surprise, the cafe was actually really full, more and more people rolled in every hour and although you loved to socialize, your battery was draining from seeing the number of people at a high.

There were a lot of talented people who took the stage. With some pouring out their emotions with their personal spoken-word poetry, some inducing laughter with stand-up comedy and some taking the stage to sing their heart out with a touching ballad or a fun pop song.

It was a particularly entertaining night but with the number of people increasing in the cafe, it was draining and dreadful to be with a swarm of people. It wasn’t that you didn’t like to socialize, it was just suffocating to be in a large crowded cafe.

It was 1 am but the open-mic was still lively and has yet to reach its end with a quite big number of people still waiting in line to take the stage.

“I want to go home.” You yawn before comfortably resting your head on the table as you hear another poetry number.

“I gotta go I have a 7 am class tomorrow, the professor will rip my head off if I’m late again. I already told hanbin so he won’t kill me. Bye guys.” Ricky was the first one to leave from your group, bidding you guys a farewell.

Hanbin begged you guys to stay throughout the whole open mic to ensure there was going to be an audience for every performer. As the hours passed, less and less people were at the cafe.

“Thank you to everyone who came today especially to the ones who decided to stay until the end of our event. Now we know there’s still some of you who wish to perform their piece tonight but I’m afraid we have to end it after one last performance. Do not fret, there will be another open-mic event in the future! I hope to see you all stop by again. “ Hanbin relays his closing remarks for the event.

“And now, to finally wrap our event, let’s give the stage to the last but definitely not the least, kim taerae! Let’s all give it up for him.” Claps and cheers echoed through the room for the last performer. A young man walked into the stage with a guitar in his hand, he was dressed in a white denim jacket with a pair of blue jeans and his hair was styled in a little messy perm. He enters the stage and greets the crowd with a sweet smile.

“Hello everyone! I am kim taerae and to end today’s open-mic on a good note, I will be singing man in love by infinite. Hope you enjoy.” You were a little surprised at his low voice. You get up from your position and sit uptight, eager to watch the performance of the new man you found attractive. From his looks and to his speaking voice, he already seemed promising .

The moment he started singing, you melted over his vocals. His voice was quite deep yet also so sweet and soft. His voice was so captivating and everyone in the audience was in awe.

The performance was so satisfying and heartwarming to watch. He was also looking into the eyes of the members of the audience as if he was in a concert. At one point, your eyes meet and you felt your heart skip a beat as he flashed a charming bright smile as his eyes met yours for a moment.

At that moment, you felt your world stop for a moment like you have just met eye-to-eye with the love of your life. All throughout the performance, you felt as if you two were the only one there. As if taerae was pouring all those words out to you.

Soon, the song had finally come to an end and the crowd loudly claps and cheers, everyone was swooned by his heartfelt performance.

“Thank you everyone, hope you all enjoyed the night and get home safe. Take care!” He bids his farewell and everyone immediately stands up from their seats, ready to leave the event.

The next day arrived and here you were on your first day in a new class. You were sleep deprived and was trying your hardest not to fall asleep as soon as you sat down.

Everyone else chatted about whatever went on in their lives. A lot of the others already knew each other too. You were sitting in the back with no one next to you, feeling slightly out of place.

“Hey may I sit here?” A familiar low voice spoke. You get up and look at your left. Loe and behold, It was that sweet singer from yesterday.

“Yes of course.” You reply and flash a small smile.

“You’re kim taerae?”

“Oh yeah! How do you know me?

“I recognize you, you were at the open-mic last night at the cafe last night, right?”

“Ah yes that’s me!” He lightly chuckles in response.

“You were incredible last night, you were the perfect person to end the show. Your singing was amazing! It was so sweet and satisfying to hear. And then when y-I’m so sorry I think I’m rambling now.” His ears turned red from your compliment, keeping a shy smile on over the compliments you gave. You worried that you were doing too much.

“No no it’s fine! And thank you so much, I appreciate it, really.”

“ sorry I forgot to introduce myself but I’m y/n by the way. nice to meet you taerae.” You let your hand out to which he gladly shakes.

“And I’m well, as you already know haha, taerae but it’s very nice to meet you y/n. looking forward to getting to know you.” That sweet smile painted on his face as he seats himself next to you.

_________________________________

you have liked, actually no scratch that, you have been in love with taerae since the first day you met him..

After becoming seatmates on the first day and getting along, you were bound to see each other every week, and after talking to him during every class, sharing about anything and everything in your lives instead of actually paying attention to your lectures, your feelings had gotten stronger as you had gotten to know him more over the course of a few months

He was a very smart, humble and sweet person. A million words weren’t even enough to describe his personality. To top it all off, he was incredibly handsome too. He had that sweet signature smile that always brightened your day. It was hard not to fall for someone like him.

He also became a part-time employee at hanbin’s cafe, although you only every visited once a week to see hanbin, you started going everyday to see taerae.

_________________________________

“hey y/n we know that you’re down bad for mr. cutie pie over there but please pay attention to your friends.” junhyeon snaps at you from your trance after catching you once, again getting lost in your own world staring at taerae for the millionth time today.

currently, you and your friends were hanging at the cafe owned by hanbin located near your uni.

“Yeah, huh yes.” junhyeon and gunwook laugh at your reaction.

Speaking of the devil(or angel, you would think), taerae suddenly approaches your table.

“hey guys I’m clocking out now, just tell hanbin if you need anything. and y/n see you on monday!” he sends you his signature smile as he waves at your friends a farewell as he leaves the cafe.

“see you!” you were smiling so big at him, unaware of how you were smiling so big like a fool. junhyeon and gunwook giggle and whisper amongst themselves, teasing your absolutely lovesick state.

“yeah and they say they have a little crush, and they’ve been trying to hide it.” Junhyeon teases.

“Oh shut up.” You smack his arm and turn away, trying to hide your so painfully obvious blushing state.

“we are so sick of you shooting heart eyes at him for the longest time, oh god when do you plan on finally asking him out?” gunwook says.

“now that you mention it I think I’m planning on confessing to taerae soon.”

your friends dramatically gasp altogether. they certainly didn’t expect you to make a move a year after meeting him.

“You really are?”

“Yeah I was actually thinking of telling him after the open-mic tomorrow.”

“Ooooh how?” Sung hanbin chips in as he takes a seat at your table and casually sneaks a bite from zhanghao’s cheesecake sitting on the table.

“hey what the hell that’s mine, don’t think you’re so slick.” zhanghao snatches the fork from hanbin’s hand and hanbin chuckles at zhanghao’s annoyed state.

“hanbin what are you doing here aren’t you supposed to be working?” you turn to look at him and he comfortably sinks his back into the couch.

“you guys are the only ones here anyways and I’m closing the cafe in a bit. i also heard the words taerae and confess so of course I had to join in.”

“anyways moving back to the topic, how are you going to tell him” hanbin mentions once again.

“I was just planning on just simply saying it. All straight forward like hey.. I like you.”

Your friends squeal in excitement, you bury your face in your hands, embarrassed.

“I have a hunch he likes you too.” your ears turn red over what hanbin said, thinking the possibility of taerae reciprocating his feelings made you feel a little happy inside.

“Wishing you luck ” Hanbin pats your shoulder..

“Yeah like what are the odds that things could go wrong?”

RIGHT, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

_________________________________

ATTEMPT 1 : THE OPEN MIC

“thank you for attending our open mic event this month ! I truly appreciate all your support and I’m always amazed by the talented performers that take on the stage. Hope you all get home safe and sound, thank you once again and I hope to see you again in our monthly open mic event once again next month.”

“Good luck.” Hanbin whispers in your year, sending you a fighting gesture as you proceed to look for taerae.

You look around and you spot him behind the cashier, currently counting a bunch of coins in his hand.

“Hey!” You catch the boy’s attention as he looks up and immediately flashes a smile as you near him.

“Hey what’s up? Did you enjoy tonight’s open-mic?”

“Yeah I did! And like always, you did absolutely amazing.” Taerae’s face flushing red after your compliment, you always found it so adorable when he’d get so shy.

“Uh taerae, I just wanted to tell you something.”

“Go ahead. I’m listening.” He places his arm on the counter, resting his chin on his palm, ready to listen to you.

“I don’t know where to begin..so the thing is.”

You take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for the moment.

“I’ve been keeping on eye on a certain someone for awhile now. Well whatever I shouldn’t be beating around the bush. I like-“

“Taerae! Let’s go!” A blue haired boy comes and wraps his arm around taerae’s neck, ruffling through his hair. You presumed it was the blue-haired roommate taerae always referred to in his stories about his dorm life.

“Later hanbin! Y/n’s trying to tell me something, go on..”

“Oh I’m so sorry I was interrupting something..”

“I like hearing the stories about your roommate, I wanted to meet him.” It just slipped. Forcing yourself to lie was defenitely not something you wanted to do but you felt too awkward to continue confessing.

“That’s me! Hello I am park hanbin, taerae’s amazing roommate that you hear about in his stories.” Hanbin winks at you, and puts his hand out. You shake his hand, pretending like you eagerly wanted to get to know him.

“Oh hey! That’s cool so I always heard really interesting stories about you so I’ve been dying to meet you.” You lied.

“I hear about you too, you seem cool. Hey wanna exchange numbers?”

“Yeah that’d be cool.” You and hanbin pull out your phones and quickly exchange numbers as taerae stands awkwardly behind the counter, witnessing your interaction.

“So uh i guess we can take our leave now? Thanks for coming today y/n and see you tomorrow during class!” Taerae pats hanbin’s shoulders, lowkey pushing him to go.

“Oh of course. See you taerae!” You smile and wave as they slowly take their leave.

“Nice to meet you y/n see you around too!” Hanbin cheekily throws a heart shooting gesture at you.

That was not definitely what you wanted to do.

_________________________________

PERHAPS A LETTER WILL DO?

“I don’t know if I can directly say it to him again.” You contemplated as you drew along your sketchbook. You were currently in ricky and zhanghao’s dorm, making a sketch of taerae as the two seriously focus on finishing their plates for their art classes due the next day, them being typical art students, while ranting about your confession process for the second time.

“Then perhaps you can try saying it to him by writing it in a letter instead?” Ricky suggests as he calmly moves the brush strokes against his canvas, multitasking listening to you while painting for his final’s project in his drawing and painting class.

“Writing him a letter-okay wait ricky I think that’s a great idea, I think i can do that.” you gasp as you turn to him, enlightened by the idea that doesn’t deal with direct confrontation.

“Eh but how are you doing it? Are you going to mail it? You know it’s a hassle and the courier rates are hell here or do you plan on just handing it to him then running away like an idiot. ” Zhanghao asks and you realize you didn’t fully grasp the idea yet. Writing down your feelings through a letter was definitely easier but how were you going to execute it?

“Hyung don’t be too pessimistic, it’s not so bad of an idea.” Ricky defends.

“Okay well..aha! I’ll just give it to him in the cafe after his shift, or I’ll just ask hanbin to slip it in his bag since I’m pretty sure it’d be impossible to slip it in during class.”

“Hmm..actually yeah that’s possible..not bad of an idea.”

“I’m a genius! oh hey guys look at my drawing, what do you think?” You flaunt your poorly drawn portrait of your crush and ricky lets out a huge laugh while zhanghao sends you a mortified look.

“is that taerae?” zhanghao points to your drawing, which was quite literally obvious as you wrote his name in red at the side.

“Yeah..i tried to draw him from memory.” You scratch the back of your head, embarrassed.

“Well as a fine arts student, I can definitely say it’s a drawing. Very abstract!” You send ricky a glare and smack his arm as he lets out a laugh.

“you should be thankful I didn’t pursue arts, picasso’s definitely shitting his pants right now.” You jokingly remarked.

“But I truly can’t draw at all what the hell.”

“It’s good that you know.” Ricky jokingly insults and you shoot him a glare.

You rip that paper from the sketchbook, folding it neatly and putting it to the side.

You open a new page, taking a deep breath before writing away your feelings on the paper. But everytime you wrote, your inner perfectionist fought you, making you restart the letter multiple times.

There were multiple pieces of papers scattered around ricky’s table and you had been stressing over it for over an hour and a half before finally finding the perfect words to say.

eventually you got all worn out from using all your brain power for the past hour as you fell asleep on ricky’s desk.

“psst, y/n you need to go, it’s getting late. “ at around 8pm, zhanghao wakes you up. You were a little groggy but you made sure to stand up and grab the letter as you leave. There were way too many paper in the desk and you had only remembered seeing the paper right next to you, but there were two, you bring the one on the right, assuming it was the letter.

_________________________________

you poured your heart out into the letter and made sure each and every word you said was heartfelt and true. you were about to pack the paper and you immediately hand it to hanbin upon arriving at the cafe in the morning. nervous yet also excited about sending taerae the letter.

and so, you wait for the next day to arrive.

_________________________________

“Hey taerae check your belongings before you leave! Need to make sure you don’t leave anything in the cafe, closing up in a bit.“ hanbin yells from the stock room as he secretly grins to himself. taerae rummages through his backpack, thoroughly checking through his things.

He finds a piece of paper in the front pocket and curiously, of course he opens it. Taerae immediately held his hand to his mouth, shocked over what he saw.

…

You anxiously waited for taerae to come to class as you fiddled with your fingers, afraid of what taerae’s reaction to the letter would be.

You spot taerae coming in and he waves at you from afar. You felt a sense of relief as you see taerae still openly greeting you and going your direction to take the seat next to yours like always.

“Hey. ” Taerae sits down and all of a sudden his face was painted with a hint of worry. You mentally start panicking over what he was going to say. Is he going to reject me? Tell me to get lost? Why does he lowkey looks scared? you thought

Taerae goes to grab something from his bag and you gulp nervously. He takes out a piece of paper and passes it to you.

“Oh taerae…”

“Open it.” He says and your hands shake a little as you open up the folded piece of paper, your heart was beating fast and taerae looked down on his desk, his hands clasped together, he just looked really anxious.

You open it and your eyes widen in shock.

“Oh shit.”

“Right? Isn’t it terrifying?” He points at the paper, hesitant to look at it. It was the poorly drawn portrait of him that you made when you were at hao and ricky’s dorm.

How the hell would you mess this up? And then it hit you, you grabbed the first paper you sw at the desk, assuming what you grabbed would be the letter.

“it’s scary to me because just look at the drawing, are they trying to say something about my appearance? And my name’s in red on the bottom. I thought it was a litte gift but when you think about it, would someone really gift you something like this.” You felt an arrow shoot through your heart. Not only did he just diss your drawing skills but he quickly assumed that this drawing was sent from a secret hater?

“what if they’re just shitty at drawing, you know but they were trying to do a nice little gesture?”

“But the red name, the poor handwriting, it just really feels like a hate message.” You felt your spirit leave your body.

“I don’t know I feel like I have to be on the lookout now, I’m scared someone’s coming after me.”

“YOU SENT HIM THE DRAWING?” ricky bursts out laughing at your failed mail delivery attempt.

“No oh my god my stomach hurts so much I can’t handle it..and the fact he thinks it’s a hate message is so fucking funny.” Ricky held onto stomach from laughing so hard and you glare at him. It was certainly not helping the embarrassment your were experiencing at the moment.

“Okay stop laughing dumbass it’s not funny.”

“Oh it is, it really is..” You smack his arm to make him get a grip and ricky lets out a loud ‘Ow’.

“Now what the fuck am I gonna do! I’m doomed!”

“You can always try again, you know? Maybe next time double check what you’re going to send to make sure you don’t send the love of your life your cursed looking drawings.”

“who send what what now?” Junhyeon quickly plops a seat next to ricky.

“y/n just sent taerae a drawing of him and he..thought it was….a threat..” ricky tries to hold his laugh in between his words.

“makes sense your skills are the worse of the worse i feel like i lose ten years of my life when I see you do any sort of artwork.”

“Oh shut up! Why are you all just constantly after my ass.”

“Anyways did you actually try to confess to him by using a drawing? “ junhyeon asked, visibly confused.

“No no no! I was supposed to leave him a letter. The thing is in the morning, I went to the cafe in the morning with hao to hand hanbin the letter so he could sneak it in his bag. I think i handed him the wrong one..because I was holding on to both of the folded papers and I forgot which was which..”

“Typical y/n moment..” ricky says and you raise your fork at him.

“Yeah okay okay.” ricky raises his hands in the air to defend himself from you potentially striking at him with your fork.

“Guys what do I do..”

“Why don’t you just tell him directly?” Junhyeon asks..

“Last time, I slipped up and lied that I wanted to mee his roommate, knowing damn well I don’t care about his roommate at all.””

“So what were you actually trying to send?“

“Okay I got another idea this time!” Ricky raises his hand you furrow one of your eyebrows at him.

_________________________________

ATTEMPT 2 : LEAVING THE LETTER AT THE LECTURE ROOM

“What time did hanbin say he was gonna come?”

“Hmm in like 30 minutes. He ends his shift at around 4.” Hao tells you. This time you were meant to leave the letter on his desk. Hanbin said he left his things in the lecture room and was going back after his shift to retrieve them.

you of course also made sure to double check to prevent the same mistake from happening again, it would be too much. You were positive that this time, nothing would go wrong and taerae would finally be able to read the words you’ve been meaning to relay.

“Shit shit shit! Guys I hear footsteps, I think it’s him!” Junhyeon yelled and panic immediately seeps into you.

“What? I thought his shift ends at 4, uh whatever guys hide!”

You and hao sneak under one of the tables at the back while junhyeon stood for awhile looking left and right, trying to figure out where to hide while he hears the footsteps getting louder and louder so he just hides behind the door, facing the corner, putting his black hoodie on.

Taerae walks into the room and hums a soft tune as he casually walks on his way onto his designated seat. He finds the paper on top and tilts his head to the side, surprised upon seeing a folded paper again. He scans the whole room with his sight before proceeding to slowly flip the fold.

The door abruptly closes as it emits an eerily creaking sound that echoed across the room. Taerae looks at its direction and notices a tall figure in a black hoodie at the corner of the room. His heart began to beat at an alarmingly fast rate.

“W-who are you?” He stutters out of fear as he slowly approaches the figure. The figure freezes into place, not moving an inch from its position.

“Were you here for me?” He slowly walks over and tries to gently approach the figure, he reaches out and tugs on the person’s arm and they suddenly turn around, instantly head butting taerae before he could take a look into their face, sending taerae into a fainting spell as he collapses onto the floor.

“Junhyeon what the fuck!” You and hao quickly rush over to the now, passed out, taerae laying on the floor.

“You shithead why did you headbutt him!”

“I didn’t want him to know it was me, okay! It was also a reflex i don’t know!”

“Yeah? Are you crazy!? He’s literally unconscious right now!!”

“But he’s not dead right?” Junhyeon slowly approaches his figure placing two fingers over his neck to check if he still had his pulse, he jumps but soon breathes a sigh of relief as he feels his pulse.

“Ah! Oh thank God.”

“Ugh whatever just bring to him the clinic.” Hao quickly goes to carry his left arm and you do the same on his other one.

_________________________________

You sit beside taerae’s peaceful sleeping state, patiently waiting for him to wake up, around 30 minutes has passed and he has yet to wake up.

Hao left early since he still had other senior duties to attend to while junhyeon left out of guilt, refusing to face taerae after giving him a concussion from a headbutt he didn’t mean to cause. He loved taerae too much to face him after what happened today.

You waited by taerae’s side even taking a nap as you waited for him to wake up.

You sat by the bed, with the letter in your hand. You opened it and reread each and every word once again as you look at taerae at the same time. You let out a huge sigh. You felt hesitant once again in confessing to taerae. Perhaps being by his side was enough, right?

But the feelings would always be there and you wouldn’t want to fight it. You sit and stare at his features for awhile, finding yourself enamored by his looks.

“I don’t think you’ll ever forgive me taerae..”

“for what?” you jolted from your seat the moment you hear that deep voice. taerae slowly tries to sit himself up and he squints at you as he rubs his eyes.

“oh my god you’re finally awake.”

“What happened I was at the classroom and I just blacked out, how did you find me..” You panic a little, trying to scramble through your brain to think of a random excuse, surely you weren’t going to tell him you were there to drop a letter where you basically profess your feelings.

“Uh i just stopped by the classroom, I thought I left something in the room.”

“oh okay..did you see anyone else there? like a person with a black hoodie? I think someone hit me in the head.”

Taerae tries to recall the situation, his memory still a little foggy over what happened. He couldn’t quite remember how the person looked as everything just happened so quickly.

“Wait..what if it was the same person who sent me that drawing from before? How would they even know that I was coming back? Because the moment I entered the room, I felt this eerie atmosphere, like someone was waiting for me?” You mentally curse at yourself for pushing through this plan, how the hell were you going to tell him the truth?

“I feel like I have this sort of secret anti? I don’t know I’m kinda scared to be alone now.”

“If you don’t mind, can you walk with me home today? It’s embarrassing but i feel kinda scared to walk hom alone.” You eyes widened in shock but you quickly agree anyways. You just got an offer to spend some extra time with your crush. However a huge part of you felt guilty about what happened.

“I’m sorry I can’t I have to go somewhere. Uh I think i actually need to go right now.” You stood up and taerae looks at you softly, almost like his eyes were pleading for you to not go away.

“Okay I’ll just call your roommate to get you since I really can’t, it’s park hanbin right?”

“yeah, do you have his number? I think I left my belongings at the room I don’t have my phone right now.”

“Ah yes i do! Let me dial him.” You scroll through your contacts searching for his name, quickly dialing him.

“Hey y/n, what’s up!” Hanbin responds almost immediately, greeting you in a cheery tone.

“Hey, so taerae’s at the clinic right now, he got a concussion and sprained his ankle and he kinda can’t get to his dorm alone right now so can you come pick him up right now?”

“Alright I see..”

“Sorry it’s kinda hard to explain right now but taerae’s gonna fill you in on the details later.”

“It’s okay i know what happened, junhyeon told me..”

“Ah r-really, okay anyways just come and get him right now.” You quickly end the call hoping he doesn’t go on and run his mouth on what happened.

“just stay here and wait for hanbin I think I’ll have to go now.”

“Take care! see you in the cafe and next week!” Taerae flashes you his warm smile as he waves at you.

“You too taerae.” You smile back and take your leave..

_________________________________

ATTEMPT HONESTLY CAN’T EVEN KEEP UP ANYMORE : FIGURING IT OUT AGAIN PART SOMETHING OR MAYBE NOT

You and your friends, ricky, junhyeon, zhanghao and sung hanbin and gunwook gathered in the same cafe once again.

_________________________________

“So what’s your new plan?”

“Guys I really don’t know anymore.” You let your head hit the table, feeling so defeated at the moment after thinking about your two failed confession attempts.

“Guys what’s a foolproof way of me confessing where I don’t need to do it on the spot, or one that doesn’t have a chance of leaving him terrified him in any way.”

“Yeah he’s been taerae-fied too many times.” Junhyeon jokes. You roll your eyes at his poor attempt of making a taerae pun.

“The plans have been so terrible.” You sigh.

“Taeraeble you could say..” Ricky softly says while looking down as junhyeon giggled, trying to surpress his laugh.

“Ok I swear if you guys say another one.” You glare at the two.

“Hmm perhaps maybe.” Gunwook leads. After junhyeon blabbered to him about what happened he was also then informed of the fact that you had feelings for taerae too.

“actually never mind I don’t know I thought i was thinking for a moment but it blew away sorry.”

“Junhyeon why did you invite gunwook over too, he’s no help either.” Gunwook turns to you and fakes a loud gasp and you roll your eyes over his dramatic act.

“By the way um sorry to say this late but, taerae just quit his job here yesterday. He also said he’s transferring outside of the school.” Sung hanbin mentions.

“Yeah and he also said he’s transferring next semester, he’s actually moving out next friday.” Sung hanbin adds. Everyone else is shocked over the sudden news. Taerae leaving so suddenly was never in anyone’s bingo cards.

“No! I love taerae too much! Why am I only knowing now that my man is leaving.” Junhyeon dramatically fake cries.

“Oh shit. i just realized.”

“What?”Hao turns to you.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to see taerae much anymore, it’s our last class next week and we don’t talk much outside.”You recalled that the last day of your class with taerae was already next week because after that it would be finals then everything’s done. You weren’t sure if you were going to still be able to talk to taerae knowing how you usually only talked during class.

Maybe a part of you wished for those accidents to happen because deep inside, you were afraid about letting taerae find out about your feelings, afraid that he wouldn’t like you back and you’d lose the friendship you’ve built for a year.

_________________________________

The last monday. the last class you were going to share with taerae ever.

“Hey y/n i want to tell you something.” You look in his direction. You were already had an idea on what he was going to say.

“I’m moving out next week and I quit my part time job at hanbin's cafe. Though maybe you’ve noticed and Hanbin might’ve already told you but yeah I just wanted to tell you.”

“Oh I guess we won’t be seeing each other much anymore..” You say and his eyes widened. He waves his hands and sends you a reassuring look.

“oh we won’t be seeing each other much anymore but I promise I’ll try to keep up with you! um my roommates wanted to throw a farewell party, honestly a little dramatic haha but I wanted to invite you and you friends over. It’s going to be a small one don’t worry.”

“Sure! I’d love to come, I’ll tell my friends too.”

“The last hurrah, you know. Also just so you know,, I genuinely enjoyed getting to know you this year, you were the best person I’ve met this year. I was so happy to have known you this year and I would have totally flunked this class because I might’ve have just ended up sleeping through every lecture haha.”

“Anyways I’ll see you at the party, yeah?” He points at you with that signature smile plastered on his face once again.

“Absolutely.” You smile back.

_________________________________

“I can’t do this anymore! I’ve tried everything like EVERYTHING yet somehow everytime I can’t seem to tell him how I feel.” You cried as you took another shot of soju. Initially, you were alone at the convenience store wanting to buy alone a beer or two to let loose but here you were with almost two empty soju bottles.

“why didn’t a single thing go right..” you bury your face in your hands.

a thought pops into your head and liquid courage pushed you to now film a voicemail on your phone to taerae. now, you were quite wasted and couldn’t see shit but you still pushed yourself.

you drunkenly record yourself professing your love to him, addressing him as you. you laugh to yourself as you finished recording and finally hit the send button.

“maybe this can work ahehe.”

“Y/n?” You hear a young man call out your name. You look up and your vision was too blurry to make out the owner of the voice. it was very familiar and clear to you but you just couldn’t seem to lay a finger on who it could be.

“You!” You stood up from your seat, pointing at the unknown man with your eyes closed. He takes a step back at your sudden move, confused on what to do.

You try to open you eyes, trying to take a look but soon your vision darkens and you pass out. the night going on as a blur.

_________________________________

your eyes flitter open and you feel your head ringing, a painful reminder of what happened last night. you wake up, confused as you look around, the surroundings being all too new.

since when did i have white sheets and a clean ass bedroom?

you slap yourself, trying to figure if it was a dream or not. but it wasn’t.

soon you hear a knock on the door on the far left and taerae enters, carrying a glass of tea and painkillers on a tray.

“oh you’re awake, anyways here take these for your hangover. finish the cup of tea and if your headache feels really unbearable, take a tylenol. anyways how are you feeling?” he hands the tray to you and he sits down by you.

“Honestly woke up with a terrible headache. Is this your place?I’m so sorry..” You ask.

“Yes but don’t worry about it, I saw you pass out last night and I didn’t want to leave you there.” he says and sends a reassuring smile your way. you felt your heart skip a beat for a second.

“anyways stay as long as you need! take care of yourself and rest. if you need water or anything, just call me! okay?” he says as he proceeds to leave the room.

you feel your phone vibrate next to you and you are shocked upon what you see when you receive a notification from park hanbin.

phanbin: let’s talk about this at the dorm party ;)

well, shit.

. Taerae invited the whole friend group (since he was friends with all of you too anyways) and the other dorm mates to come over. He requested it to not be so grand since he wanted it to be a simple farewell.

It was probably the last day you were ever going to see him and it kinda killed you inside knowing not a single attempt of your confessions worked and the words you’ve been trying to relay are going to be left unspoken. Other than that, you had also discovered that you had sent a voicemail to park hanbin, perhaps leading him on. You also couldn’t bear to see taerae after your past encounter. This day, you were definitely more than nervous to come.

You, ricky, sung hanbin and zhanghao decided to go the dorm together. When you arrive, you finally meet the other dormmates taerae had always talked about in his stories.

“Hi! I’m woongki, Nice to meet you. Come in.” The brown haired boy cheerfully greeted the four of you as soon as you guys came in as he lead you guys to sit on the couch. Another taller, black-haired boy goes next to him and introduces himself.

“Hey I’m seowon! Another roommate and woongki’s roommate.”

“I see, it makes so much sense that you’re roommates, you both are very smiley haha.” you say, seeing how cheery and friendly the two are in welcoming the both of you.

In the mean time, you got to chat with woongki and seowon. Park hanbin and taerae were still getting food and drinks.

From talking to them, you were also able to catch some stories and new facts about taerae. To your surprise, they reveal how he actually goes around the dorm wearing horrendous clothing pieces, wearing the same pair of red pants almost every day like it was the only pair of pants he owned. You also then learn about how taerae used to sing a lot in church growing up. His guitar was his pride and often, he would play and sing for them if ever anyone wanted him to. He could just sing on the spot if you asked him to.

The more you heard about him, the more endearing he was to you. It certainly didn’t help with making your feelings go away or having to deal with not seeing him anymore.

“Sorry we took long but we’re here!” Park hanbin and taerae finally arrived, with all their hands full with bags filled with snacks, chicken and beer.

For the night, you guys plan to play a few games then wrap up the night with a movie marathon afterwards.

The first game you guys decided to play was uno. It was fun, a lot of oohs and a lot of cheating with some players hiding specific cards. (yeah it was on junhyeon and ricky). Taerae on the other hand, often when he lost he’d go look over your cards and coach you, and despite taerae being the first one to lose almost all the time, he managed to make you win every time.

It was followed by a game of charades. It was even more chaotic than playing uno.

Then lastly, truth or dare.

The dares were pretty mild like for example, taking their shirt off for the whole game, having to eating a tablespoon of sugar or just doing a specific dance.

And for some reason, nobody chose truth because they were just pretty lame questions like did you ever fail a test? Or did you ever have your first kiss blablabla. the dares were more entertaining.

“Oooh y/n’s the chosen one!” Everyone cheered.

“So, what’s your choice, is it a truth or a dare?”

“I’ll choose truth.”

“Alright, let me think do you like anyone in the room?” Hanbin smirks, he was definitely planning on something.

“Of course I like everyone in the room, what are you implying.” You laugh with a hint of nervousness, trying to play off the question.

“No I mean, do you like like anyone, romantically?” He states, now you were sure park hanbin might have caught on and he defended knows.

“Be honest..”

You stop and take a small gulp as everyone’s eyes were all glued onto you in anticipation.

“Yeah..” you softly say and oohs were throwed. Your friends laugh and try to act all shocked as if they didn’t know you did and who it was.

“Woah really.” Park hanbin brings one of his hands to a mouth as he nods his head, seemingly not so shocked either.

“Who?”

“Come on it’s over it’s supposed to be one question.”

“We need to know!”

“Hanbin stop..they’re obviously not comfortable sharing especially in this setting so just stop.” Taerae sternly says making the whole room go silent.

“Well moving on then! Why don’t we start the movie marathon, yeah?” Everyone stands up from the ground and proceeds to lay on the couch. And chairs laying around.

You look in taerae’s direction and he gives you a small smile.

Buzz. Your phone rang.

You look over and recieve a text from park hanbin, asking you to meet up at his bedroom to discuss something. He looks at you and directs to go up with his eyes.

You roll your eyes but you get up anyways as you go upstairs, hanbin following along.

Taerae notices the two of you sneaking upstairs. He was curious about what you two were up to.

“Aw man there’s no more popcorn.” Junhyeon complains, his voice snapping taerae from his thoughts.

“Okay what now?”

“i know about it.”

“About how you feel.”

“About what?” You furrow one of your eyebrows as hanbin takes a pause, his lips pursed as he looks at the ground.

“I know you like me.” You pause there for a moment, your brain trying to function as for this time you had misled the wrong boy into thinking that you like him.

“Oh uh about it..”

“It’s fine you don’t have to deny it but y/n I’m sorry I don’t like you in that way though but you know maybe I could give you a chance and get to know you more first?” He shyly takes a step closer to you, moving his face closer to yours.

“Uh Hanbin.” You freeze on the spot, not knowing what to do or what to say.

“It’s not- like I don-“

“It’s okay you don’t have to deny it, look I acknowledge your feelin-“ He moves his face closer to yours to look into your eyes.

All of a sudden the door next to the two of you creaks open, revealing taerae standing there with his mouth wide open.

“Sorry to interrupt you guys but uh I just wanted to say I’m going to sleep now since I’m leaving early tomorrow.” Taerae awkwardly smiles and takes his leaves. You panic, assuming he probably overheard most of the conversation which might have misled him to thinking you actually had a crush on park hanbin.

You mentally curse at yourself as you watch taerae turn his back and turn away.

“Now going back..”

You quickly shut the door, take a deep breath and take a hold of hanbin’s shoulders. Well you hd to clear it up, it’s now or never.

“I don’t like you. I don’t have any feelings for you. I am not interested at you.” You look up at him and gave him a straight face. He tilts his head, knitting his eyebrows in confusion.

“Huh?Then why did you send me that voicemail?”

“Man this is so embarrassing.”You look at the ground in shame, not wanting to open the conversation over the embarrassing voicemail.

“I accidentally sent it to you..it was meant for someone else.” You facepalm.

“I was drunk and I wasn’t thinking clearly! It was really stupid of me. I just sent it to you thinking it was..someone else plus I was drunk! I my vision was all blurry too i’m sorry.” You continued, Hanbin lets out an oh as he scratches his head, embarrassed and confused.

“Wait then who was it for?”

“About that..”

“Tell me who? Who is it?” He whines as he playfully pokes your arm, curious as to who the lucky boy may be. You certainly didn’t want to tell the boy knowing he was taerae’s best friend and he might blabber about it to him.

“Secret.”

“Awwww come on….wait..Ha! Nevermind don’t tell me I know.” Hanbin lets out a light laugh, taking a step closer to you.

“Your crush on taerae is so painfully obvious.”he whispered. You freeze on the spot. He takes a step back and continues giggling to himself.

“I mean I could feel it before but I pushed it off because I thought you liked me..but it all makes more sense now. you, see taerae at the cafe everyday, you light up when he talks to you, you always stare at him, can you also not make that obvious? And lastly I can easily sense that the way you act around him is very different from everyone else.”

“Like you are in love with him.” He crosses his arms and he knew he was right.

“Pfft no.”

“Oh yeah you are.”

“But he’s moving away anyways so it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Aw sorry about that..”

“And from what happened earlier..he probably thinks I like you.”

“I’m so sorry about that, you know what, I’ll clear it up to him-“

“No you don’t have to, he’s leaving and I don’t want to cause anything. and it’s my fault really! I was the one who carelessly sent that voicemail, I’m sorry for leading you on too. So anyways, I think I might just go leave now.” You flash hanbin a smile to reassure him before leaving. Hanbin grabs your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“I’m also sorry about earlier too by the way, y/n. Honestly-“

“Hanbin I’m sorry for cutting you off again but honestly I think I need to go now. I just don’t want taerae to know, and I’m not sure if we’ll keep up when he leaves so I iust hope we stay as friends, so we don’t leave at an awkward note. Anyways thank you and sorry hanbin but I gotta go now.” He loosens his grip on your wrist and pats your shoulder.

“Take care.”

Here you are, in the comfort of hanbin’s care sipping on a glass of iced coffee, staring out the window. Last night, you left the party early and you weren’t able to bid taerae a proper goodbye in person.

you open your phone, and stare at you text messages with taerae, contemplating on whether you wanted to write him a long goodbye message or to simply tell him good luck and take care.

“for how long are you going to stare at your phone.” hanbin gets you from your out-of-zone state.

“hanbin, I don’t know how to say goodbye. honestly I feel miserable. I hate that he’s leaving and I wasn’t even able to tell him how I feel.” you bury your face into yoir hands. hanbin takes the seat next to you and rubs your back. the boy you loved was leaving and he never even got the chance to know how you truly felt.

as if the heavens heard your cries, you felt your phone vibrate and you received a notification of a text message from park hanbin.

phanbin: y/n go run to taerae right now. he’s leaving soon but hey, you deserve to be able to tell him how you feel properly and now may be the perfect time. I also cleared up everything that happened last night lol so dw. anyways do this text me back and go run to him NOWWW!!!!!! he’s still in front of our dorm <3

You look at hanbun and he gives you a reassuring nod as an approval.

“Go now!!!” he yells good luck to you as you proceed to rush out of the cafe, running towards the direction of his dorm. You ran and ran, your feet moving at a full speed like you were at a marathon. a rush of adrenaline filled you and this time, you were motivated than ever to tell him how you truly feel.

you were just one block away from the dorm and soon, you spot a car parked in front of the dorm with a handful of boxes outside. you proceed to go there but you couldn’t see taerae around. you’re not too late, his boxes are here so he’s somewhere.

you take a deep breath first, resting your hands on your knees first from all the running. you forgot that you weren’t an athlete and your lack of exercise was getting right back at you.

you receive another text mess from park hanbin.

park hanbin:I I’m sorry i know you’re probably sprinting right now but he’s at the convenience store so you might have to do a little more running. his dumbass forgot to buy a few things. anyways good luck y/n! you got this.” he sends you a thumbs up emoji.

you run and run again and you curse under your breath, realizing how far the convenience store is. your legs were slowly getting wobbly and you onew your lack of physical activity was bound to get you someday but you hoped it wouldn’t be right now.

you just stop running and start walking instead. as you near the store, you spot the brown-haired young man outside, sitting on a table outside with his back facing you.

you take a deep breath before tapping his shoulder. he turns around and you thank the heavens that there was no plot twist of this being a non-taerae or else you were going to absolutely throw a fit.

“hey taerae! I needed to tell you something before you go and I wanted to give you a proper goodbye in person since I wasn’t able to last night.” you say and the boy stands up, flashing you a grin as he had gimbap in his mouth. he raises his hand and you were a little confused as to what he meant by that.

“should I say what I need to say or wait for you to finish?” he swallows his food down before speaking up.

“ok sorry you can go on now.” he lightly chuckles and you laugh a little.

you take a huge gulp, taking a look at the ground before looking straight at him right in the eye. he eagerly listens, giving you a reassuring look. it’s finally happening.

“taerae I have been dying to tell you this for a long time now honestly and although I don’t think now is the perfect time, I just wanted to get this off my chest before you go cause I know I would regret it if I didn’t tell you sooner.” you take a pause and he gives you another nod, a way of telling you he was still listening.

so here it goes.

“I li-“

you were soon cut off by the sound of the door opening as a man calls out to taerae“taerae hyung! Did you kn- y/n?” you look behind you and you spot junhyeon, holding a full meal of burgers and fries and a cup of come on a tray in his hands.

“junhyeon what the hell are you doing here?”

“I was helping taerae moving out then he went here to buy things then we just decided to eat here.” he says, standing there, a little confused. he quickly scans the situation between you and then it finally hit him.

“ah I believe I interrupted something here, sorry I will just eat inside.”

the boy quickly rushes back inside.

you turn to taerae again. “anyways, sorry for the little commotion there. anyways as I was saying, taerae-junhyeon what the actual fuck sit somewhere else.” junhyeon sat in front of the window directly facing the both of you. you motion to the boy to move the other way and he rolls his eyes before taking a seat somewhere else.

“oh god I hope it’s the last of him. I swear if anything goes wrong again-“

all of the sudden, the rain decides to twist the odds and rain on your parade. you grab taerae’s hand, about to take him inside but he firmly holds onto your hand, telling you to stay.

“taerae it’s raining, you’ll get sick, we have to get in i’ll just tell you inside.”

“no tell me right here, right now. you have been wanting to tell me for a long time and I know you want to say it already.” you felt a hint of seriousness in his tone.

“are you serious?well fine It’s so weird to say it right now but okay..taerae, i..” He nods, the words starting to get hesitant to leave your mouth. you take a deep breath and you finally mustered up the courage.

“taerae I like you. no, actually I’m in love with you. It’s embarrassing but It’s true and I can’t fight it anymore. I loved getting to know you and from the moment i first laid my eyes on you and heard your sweet voice back in that open mic, I fell in love. I was so lucky to be able to get to know you more too. you are the sweetest, kindest and most wonderful person I’ve ever met. It’s okay if you don’t like me back. I just want to say that I love and appreciate every moment I got to spend with you in the past year..it was so lovely to have known you taerae.” unexpectedly he lets out a light laugh, his big signature smile painted on his face. he gently takes both of your hands in his.

“I love you too, y/n. in fact, I’ve always known.” you felt like your ears betrayed you at the last part. what does he mean he always knew?

“back at the clinic, I saw the letter next to you while you slept. it had the words ‘to taerae’ written on it so I just opened it. I read each and every word you wrote and took it to heart. I was so happy to know you felt the same..but when you woke up, you hid the letter and I iust felt that you were still not ready to tell me so I didn’t open a convo about it. hanbin told me about everything and cleared everything up, actually both hanbins did, sung and park haha.” you both laugh.

“well..what now? you’re leaving now so what will be then? we’ll barely see each other now that we’re not in the same uni.”

“actually about that, I’m still in the same uni, I’m only moving dorms..”

“what?” the whole dramatic mood you had turned upside down. you playfully smack taerae’s arm, bursting into tears. he didn’t expect to see you cry but he just laughs and brings you into a hug.

“I forgot to specify to you guys that I was not transferring schools and only dorms and that just made me realize why everyone was dramatic with everything. please don’t cry..”

“that’s really mean taerae, I was actually so upset that you were leaving so I was miserable for nothing.” your bury your face into his chest, pulling him tighter and taerae began to laugh.

he slowly lets go and cups your face, breaking into a smile and you feel the whole world brighten as you look into his eyes again. he stares at your lips and your faces inch closer together.

“may I?” he asks and you nod your head before he gently brings your face closer to his with his finger and his arms snake around your waist. you felt the whole world stop as you melt into his touch. your lips seemingly shaped for one another.

slowly, he pulls away and breaks into a huge smile.

“finally! I’ve been waiting for this one.” you hear junhyeon’s screams from inside the store and you simply roll your eyes back at him, you and taerae laughing over his reaction.

you turn to look back at taerae.

“I really love you and I’m glad you’re finally mine.” you giggle as you wrap your arms around his neck, bringing his face close enough for you noses to touch.

and finally, the odds were in your favor.

a/n and you reached the end! hope you enjoyed reading it. this has been sitting in my drafts for a month, but missing taerae and the new kcon behind drove me to finish this story! I also have a love-hate relationship with this which is why it took pretty long to write HAIAHSHSB sorry for some mistakes in the capatalization of names and grammar that I may have overlooked. But anyways feel free to leave feedback! I would love to hear your honest thoughts on this :>>>

[lovings4turn]

[ 🪩 ] who's your money on? - send me a little bit about yourself along with a gender preference and fandom(s) , and i'll ship you with someone n provide a few headcanons too !

pick from any fandom you write for, honestly, i think it's more fun that way

'kay, i'm an introvert which means if i'm not comfortable around people i will be very awkward, VERY, and leaving the house drains me so even when i have fun drinking and partying i'm gonna need weeks of solitude after

i'm a blabber mouth when i'm comfortable, i work in marketing so i'm obviously annoying

i can't cook, and i like girly sim games and pink. my school and college mates got frustrated with me a lot because i never studied and always got the best grades

i like going to new cafes and i always have some sort of beverage with me when working (i work from home thankfully! all on my own no boss but me)

i'm very clumsy and get bruised very easily, i'm 169cm but i lie and say its 170cm because it looks prettier. i say i like books and reading but i havent read regularly since i started college (and i have graduated already in a while so)

im also very politically active, and i show my love mostly with gifts and acts of service, i'm not very good with touch and words of affirmation

oh oh oh i LOVE the freedom you've given me here , lari >:) so many people were running through my mind here , but one definitely came out on top

❤︎ . . . i'd ship you with james potter !

the more and more i read , the more my mind was just screaming james . i think you two would make the perfect pair ! james is more than extroverted enough for the both of you , though he understands the importance of letting you recharge your social battery and doesn't press you to go out constantly . he's more than happy to just chill with you if you need minimal company , and he treasures every single outing with you !

there is nothing james loves more than when you finally get comfortable with him , and never shut up . to him , his favourite sound in the whole world is your voice , so he's more than happy for you to just talk to him about whatever , whenever , for as long as you like , and he'll return your energy !

you don't need to worry about not knowing how to cook - james has got it covered ! it's thanks to euphemia, sure, but james has a few trusty recipes that he's absolutely mastered , so he makes sure to cook for you every now and again to show you he cares

james loves the fact that you work from home , even if he has to restrain himself from being a pest . he'll pop in every hour or so to check how you're doing , often bringing you a new drink if he sees you're running low !

how clumsy you are is something so endearing to james , but he still tsks every time he sees a new bruise on your skin . he gently brushes his thumb over it , looking up at you and asking what the bloody hell you did this time , but he insists on kissing it better every . single . time .

[alpinelogy]

ivy, papyrus for the ask game :)

random get to know me ask game

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

Irl I think its mostly when I am anxious/nervous I fiddle with everything I can find. Including my hair or my watch largely depending on what has a more pleasing texture. And when I am annoyed/tired/etc I tend to be super short with people adfdg. Online when I am happy I tend to use a lot of emojis and exclamation marks and its pretty visible how much my social battery is drained based on how long I take to respond. But in general I try to not let my moods bleed into my interactions with people if they did not cause it, especially the negative ones

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

Vicious heroism by Kobaryo my beloved. I think it was one of the first speedcore songs I ever listened to many years back when I was just getting into the genre and its is still one of my favorites. Plus however you would categorize Vicious [ANTi] Heroism it also fucks so a two for one. And yeah its technically from a rhythm game but the chart for that is very fun so idm and every other speedcore song has been at some point been imported into a rg, comes with the genre o7

[bots-and-cons]

Stressed, tired and dealing with grief

I know the title probably makes it sound worse than it actually is, but I just need to vent, because I've had a bit of a rough week. I'll try to post something tomorrow, because I don't like leaving the blog alone for this long. Also I can deal with crap by writing so it's a win-win I guess. The stuff below might be a bit of a ramble, but eeeh

Venting starts here btw

There has been a lot going on during the past week and being at my mom's and looking after my little sister really drained me, because I didn't get a single minute alone for six days, aside from sleeping and I didn't do much of that either. My social battery is already nonexistent to begin with and then you add to that no sleep, it's not a good combination. I'm probably not going to my mom's for a couple of weeks, since I can't really deal with my two youngest siblings until I recharge.

On other news, my grandma on my dad's side died a couple of years back in June, and her husband, my grandpa is in a nursing home. I don't visit him much, because I can't really handle it well. He doesn't remember any of us anymore, not even my dad, and it's just way too much for me to handle most of the time.

Anyway, today we went to clean out their old house and it was pretty hard. I didn't really realize it right then, but now that I'm getting tired and have stopped for the day, it's kind of hitting me. We found so many old things that I played with when I was a kid, clothes that I remember my grandma wearing, actual physical photographs were stuffed into every cabinet and corner, and I found all kinds of stuff. I didn't really stop to look at them though, I couldn't really handle it. I looked at one photo for a while, my grandma smiling, wearing that blue flower dress that she liked. That's how I'd like to remember her though, smiling. I know she loved me, even though I didn't hear it for a long time before she died, because she stopped talking. I'll always love her and even though the grief raises its head occasionally, I'll get through it somehow.

Another thing that's been getting to me is the anniversary of Technoblade's death. He died last year at the very end of June. I don't normally get attached to youtubers or streamers, or people on the internet I don't personally interact with, but I guess in his case it was different. I started watching Technoblade when I was still pretty badly depressed, and he was a big source of fun and joy for me. He was one of my comfort youtubers and I still watch his old videos occasionally. I just watched a few old animations about him and hearing his voice literally made me cry.

There's a lot that's stressing me out right now and my grandma's death anniversary among other things just happened to trigger a bit of an emotional avalanche. I've been keeping all this crap in since the beginning of June and it's now all rising to the surface, because I'm tired and don't have the strength to keep it at bay anymore. Also me overburdening myself doesn't help this situation at all, so I'll probably sort of refrain from most social contacts next week and try to take it easy. I'll make some good food, bake something for my birthday (12th of July) and maybe go get ice cream with my bff. I also have an appointment with my mental health counselor/nurse on Monday, so that's gonna help the situation a lot too.

Stay hydrated y'all and thanks if you read all this :D

[pbandjesse]

I did not have a Christmas cry. So I guess my low feelings today were just that. A coming down off a really nice day. But also I think I was just a little to social and my batteries were drained. It wasn't a horrible day. But it was hard to get through.

I didn't sleep amazing last night. James kept stretching in their sleep and hitting me in the head. And I got real upset getting woken up. They weren't hurting me but they were startling me. Not fun.

James woke me up for real around 930. And I felt alright. I told them not to make the bed and went to get dressed.

They got ready to go to the grocery store. I had sent them a little list last night of things I would like. And so they left and I had some time alone.

I shook out the bed and remade it. Put a few stuffed animals in the studio and tried to make the bed a little more cozy but not to cluttered.

The studio was a point of upset for me today. We had out basically everything in there that we didn't want to have out when we had family here. So it was very packed and horrible.

I would work on my knitting. And do a partial change of the frog tank's water. And as I was doing that James came home.

They were a little rattled by how expensive the store was. And so once everything was put away and we were eating lunch we sat down and talked through our budget. We are falling a little below our monthly expenses. A lot of that is because my monthly pay is always different. Like over the whole year it is fine but my monthly average makes us fall below our needs. Not great.

So James has decided they want to take on another job. I feel uncomfortable with this only because I don't want to ask so much from them. But they want to get back in a restaurant for a few hours a week. And maybe that will be good for them. Some more structure? I don't know. I just want them to feel happy but I also want us to be more secure? It is really hard. We will be okay but we will have to figure it out together.

I got a little bit of energy in the afternoon and while James set up their bike with the stationary attachment to ride on the living room, I started working on the studio.

James was also doing laundry. And I moved stuff around and moved my stuffed animal net up and put some shelves around them. The shelves are kind of shitty but it's something for now. I am thrilled with how much space I made though and while I'm still stressed about the closet at least I made a lot of progress and don't feel so sick over it anymore.

Me and James would spend a lot of time hanging out quietly today. I made some outfits for the next week or so. James played video games. I painted my nails and ate some astronaut ice cream. I also did my flat lay photo. Me and James talked about our favorite gifts. It was a good day even if I felt a little sad at times.

We cuddled for a bit. And I started my yearly post Christmas tradition of starting my birthday wishlist. James also said we can go to tj Maxx and Marshalls tomorrow to start looking at valentines say stuff!! I have been looking at people's finds on Instagram and I want to see something for myself. Just for fun. Valentines day is my birthday holiday so it always feels very special to me.

I practiced with my new darning tool. And James made us pizza and broccoli for dinner. Eventually I would take a bubble bath. And we have been in bed for a while now. I'm watching videos and James is reading. And I don't feel as horrible as I did.

Tomorrow we will go for a drive. And get lunch. And I hope its just a nice day. It's warming up and the sun is staying up longer and that's just really nice.

I hope you all take care of each other. Sleep well and be safe! Goodnight!!

[1d1195]

I’m SO ready to read what you have in store for both Honey and the academic rivals!! I just know that it will be SO GOOD! And you’re so real for loving the jealousy aspect lol I LOVE reading about it but irl I will literally GAG and not in a good way HAHA

I’m sorry you’re not feeling too well rn :( it’s suck so much to constantly feel like that and it’s even worse when it amplified with one’s cycle! It’s hell for so many reasons! I’m so sorry you’re going through it :( I hope that you’re able to feel a bit better and have been able to do things that make you smile!!!

You’re so kind for even remembering!My midterms went pretty well actually! I did better than I expected which is crazy considering I haven’t been all there lol my weekend has also been a bit busy but I’m a nice way! Went out for a birthday thing for a friend so my social battery has been running a bit low but I enjoyed it which is fine! How was yours?! Hope you got in some rest after a busy week! You are always deserving of it!

Btw idk exactly when you start the new school year but IM WISHING YOU THE BEST OF LUCK WITH IT!! I have no doubt that your teaching abilities are just amazing and I know you’ll be able to have a great year! Remember that you’re doing your best and that is always enough, please take care of yourself!

The Jump tie back idea was NOT STUPID!! Bestie it was my fave moment in the last part! It just proved how even when they weren’t in each others lives they are so intertwined that even the universe was trying to make them come back to each other/not forgot their bond!! While this isn’t a soulmate au, THIS IS VERY SOULMATE CODED AND IDGAF IT WAS SO CUTE AND PERFECT FOR THEM!!! Such a lovely story and you never miss!!

OMG ITS ALREADY BEEN A YEAR😭😭😭OUR ANNIVERSARY 😭😭😭 WDYM ITS BEEN A YEAR?! It feels like a lot of time has passed yet at the same time it doesn’t feel that long?? Idk lol i seriously should be thanking YOU! You’re so kind to everyone on here and you create such wonderful stories that you share with us! And thank you for being so easy and fun to talk to. It doesn’t matter whether you’re telling me simple things or opening a bit of your heart, it’s always so lovely getting to talk you! You have no idea how insanely wonderful you are, thank you for being such an amazing person and pen pal! Love you lots!!!💗💗-💜

I had like two other stories outlined but I think they're going to go on the back burner from now. There's enough of an outline that they can wait really till whenever. I am excited about them though! I think Honey will be really adorable overall (even if I'm writing some pretty mean parts right now). Academic rivals I think won't be a ton of parts and I think it will kind of jump into the middle of their story, but I think that will be really grumpy/sunshine of them 🤭

It's okay, really. I guess it's "nice" I'm consistent. I can pretty much time when I'm going to feel kinda low. I think I hide it pretty well--not sure that's a good thing but it is what it is. I've got to do a lot of grocery shopping and meal prep today which I'm kinda dreading. Just want to keep writing 😭

I'm not surprised you did well! Based on how you study and worry about your classes I assume you're an amazing student. Like probably top of your class? We vibe like that and I always felt the same way. It takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice--but I'm glad you had a good weekend! Even if your social battery was drained.

My weekend was fine. Went for a few walks and just been writing my little heart out. I did get to rest. I wish I had read more this summer but that's okay. Hopefully I can use all the books I didn't read as a reminder to myself to take time during the school year to do something I like and need to do for me.

You're very sweet, I'm definitely going to try and find more balance--I did a pretty good job last year but some months get crazy. May/June is usually craziest (obvi) but that's a while from now so I'm not going to worry about it much until then.

AHHHH! That's so sweet. I'm glad it didn't come off stupid. I really felt conflicted by how lame it might have sounded. I think it helped that I never mentioned Harry knowing about it until that moment. 🤭

You're going to make me cry 😭 I'm really glad I came back to tumblr. Even if it's a little crazy now and things are different, I think about how I was feeling between 2018-2022 and how different I feel now. It is really nice to have a place where I can vent and chat even if it's a bit anonymously. I feel like you guys know me a lot better than a lot of my friends. But yeah. I love you SO MUCH! 💕 Thank you for being a part of my blog 💕

xoxo

[gmmtv-bl-tournament-but-evil]

I'm another one of those Never Let Me Go over The Eclipse girlies I'm afraid. I have so much unironic love of that show. I love weird and messy stuff (I genuinely love the live action Super Mario Bros movie from the 90s for example) and Never Let Me Go hit hard for me in that way. The ending was a little weak with the Palm running away plot, but like it didn't subtract from my overall enjoyment of the show (and let's be honest, endings are not one of BL's strong suits so I'm usually more lenient with it as my expectations aren't high) (that's what fanfic is for).

I actually never got around to watching The Eclipse because at the time of it airing, I wasn't in the mood for something that heavy politically (I'm pretty politically active irl, especially around that time, and wanted my little shows to break from that) (Not Me had already kinda drained my battery for heavily politically social commentary dramas then) so I never actually got around to watching it proper, just consumed it through gifs and the like on here.

But then a another reason for my continual ambivalence to The Eclipse is my real spicy hot take: I'm just not that into First and Khaotung as a pair.

Part of it is probably because my introduction to the BL fandom was Not Me and Dan and Yok rewrote my brain chemistry so I really wanted to see more of First and Gawin acting together. But there are other pairs where in my introduction to one of the actors, they were paired with someone else, and I still love both pairings a lot. So like, it's got to be something else that just doesn't do it for me I guess.

Like don't get me wrong, they're both phenomenal actors and act very well together, I'm just not into them playing romantic pairs all the time. Like Sand and Ray were my least favorite couple in Only Friends and I really didn't want them to be endgame (and I felt that a lot of the SandRay crowd were in it because it was First and Khao and not for their actual characters). And I loved it whenever Sand or Ray was out doing something with another character (I'm still a SandNick truther).

I'm not that into branded pairs anyways. I like the idea of common pairs, where they do a lot of stuff together but not exclusively only with each other. But man I hope GMMTV becomes more open to shuffling their pairs around because I really want to see First and Khao paired with different actors for at least one series and maybe that'll help solve why I'm not into them as a pair

Can't really disagree on the widespread lack of solid endings in BL. I'm having a lot of fun finding myself in this very peculiar position of just acting like a bowl to be filled with a number of votes for either of those shows. I don't have especially strong opinions either way, aside for a very mild preference for The Eclipse but nothing drastic (the Eclipse Anon has recently found this out to their great bafflement). Funnily enough, since you mentioned it, one of the things that diminished my love for The Eclipse was actually its ending!

As for FirstKhao, I love them dearly both together and separately while at the same time also being the biggest DanYok simp who ever lived. They changed the trajectory of my life, I'Il probably be thinking about them on my deathbed. Gawin Caskey is my most cherished little guy*. However, despite loving FirstKhao a lot, I wasn't impressed by their first role as a branded couple. I don't agree on Only Friends, tho, I think they already did so much better at SandRay and even though they weren't my favourites in that either (do I even need to say who I was seated for at this point?), I was hugely impressed by how far they got in so little time.

When it comes to branded pairs, I agree with you. I would also love a little spicing up and some unexpected new pairings. I also get that it's financially easier for GMMTV to keep the current status quo. I get it but I don’t like it one bit.

*l am a significant amount shorter than him.

[pasttorn]

        -- SHORP. not me finally buying & playing monster camp & falling head over heels over a spicy red baby all over again

[skautism]

when ur grandma sounds disappointed that you care more about not being compacted with a bunch of other high schoolers when high schoolers cant get vaccinated yet than being in marching band like I WANT to be in marching band but i dont think putting that many people together when we dont know what their homes are like or how good their families are at staying safe from the virus and we still cant get vaccinated is safe.

[problematicdemon]

You know what? Damien x Oz hc that's been in my mind for a looong time: Oz was pretty jealous of Damien being more bold, fun, and confident than him and when they started dating. In a few weeks or months Oz started being not-so-shy and bolder due to Damien's influence and his friends are either proud or actually scared cause Oh God He's Really Chaotic Now

"OZ, NO--"

(Personal headcannon use of They/He for Oz will be used!)

It wasn't a surprise to Vicky, Brian, nor Amira when Oz started dating Damien. Its not like they HADN'T spent literally weeks talking well into the nights about their respective future prom dates and their exact method of woo-ing. The four spent days mapping out possible scenarios and ways to respond, literally all being fairly useless due to the unpredictability which stemmed from Spooky High. What they didn't expect was their loveable, shy little Oz to break out of their shell.

Now, this took time. At first, it really appeared that the two were bound to break up with how badly their overly confident and impossibly insecure personalities collided. Damien was more of an exhibitionist to put it lightly.

Sometimes, during one of Damien's outbursts, Oz would suddenly up and vanish. It would take the 4 hours to find him, only for him to be stuck up with Valerie, clearly having been quietly ranting about Damien's ego.

The best times the two would bond, showcasing the reality that this relationship wasn't going ANYWHERE was when Oz was feeling more confident than usual. Damien would tap into that shit like a hawk. It would grow really slowly, and, eventually, Oz was freely offering to do things only Damien would have ever offered.

One day, during Vicky's upteenth unsuccessful attempt to consol Brian's heartbreak from being decimated via rejection (Vera had literally, not figuratively, broken his heart), they witnessed the main hall slowly engulf into itself.

It was a bit of an odd sight to say the least.

Unknown, really, to most who know Oz, they're not just a lil' shadow with lil' shadow buds. He is the same kind of Eldrich demon as Zoe. Therefore, watching monsters sprinting out, screaming after being infected by pure, unfiltered fear was actually a NEW sight for the two!

When Oz exited, along with the tattered remains of the main hall returning, the smiley eyes were apparent to see, even through such an expressionless face!

Oz, while opening up, really had begun to delight in who he was, rather than running from it out of his own fear of cruelty (specifically not pertaining to garnering a sexy prom date)

After all, who better to teach to love one's capacity for cruelty than the prince of Hell!

It's a lot more fun, personally to Amira, to especially hear those little quips Oz would always keep to himself. He's actually fairly good at combacks, without all that anxiety backing him up!

He even became more open about his own fairly nerdy interests. Mainly due to Damien being upfront about his own (Especially that love of hairstyling). Damien was always a suckler for healthy relationships, and thats built on trust!

Most of the effects were positive on Oz, in essense, aside from...

Oz is really good at scaring them now.

Like really good.

And when them and Damien conspire together? Good god. Just two months after prom and the school had already been forced to change principals 5 seperate times due to 1) Fire (Death) 2) Insanity resulting from being forced to endure their worst fears imaginable for 6 straight hours and finally 3) a combination of the two that they used twice to test a hypothesis posed by Miranda: What happens if someone is in a fear coma and they catch on fire? The answer was death. Both times.

His friends adore that he's embracing begun the creature he materialized as!

Of course, the confidence comes with its fair share of realities. Oz is still quite introverted, even if he's more confident. He still has a social battery that drains pretty damn fast! But luckily for the two, Damien has also been affected by his fair share of Oz influence. A lot of the times, calmly watching an anime or cooking some food is just the down time they need. Even if they aren't quite talking to each other.

Overall, great improvement, 9/10 but they really need to talk about him randomly deciding to give them nightmares that last up to 99 years in sleep while only being four hours in real life!

[zediina]

Tools that have helped me

I have adhd and often struggle with certain tasks, time management and establishing routines, so over the years I‘ve figured out ways to help myself. I thought I‘d share them here, maybe someone else will find them helpful too.

1. Plant Nanny

I don’t really get thirsty. Because of this, I often forget to drink enough. Plant Nanny tells you how much you need to drink for your height and body weight, and you can water virtual plants with every glads you drink. They‘ve recently added a widget for your homescreen too, which I‘ve found very helpful.

2. Focus Plant

A lot of people use Flora because you can donate money to plant trees, but unfortunately I haven’t found it very helpful (give it a try yourself though!)

Focus Plant lets you pick a time frame to focus, during which you aren’t allowed to exit the app. If you succeed, you collect water drops with which you can water virtual plants. There are also challenges you can complete, which will give you rewards.

3. To-Do Adventure

I‘ve started using this only recently. It lets you create to do lists for each day, and with every task you complete you can add a plot of land to your virtual island. You start a new island each week. The tasks can be scheduled and put into categories, and you can choose how often you want them repeated (I have a daily task to brush my teeth because I tend to forget). You could of course just use a regular reminders app, but I find this more fun and motivating. Again, there are other apps like this like to-do quest, but I‘ve only tried this one

4. Podcasts and Audio books

I need to be listening to something when I do stuff or I will get bored. But music doesn’t necessarily make me more productive because I can listen to music while being on social media or reading. But with for example a podcast I can only do things where I can also listen to what is being said, or I will miss everything. So, social media and reading doesn’t work, but cleaning my room or doing sports does. Music only works when I‘m studying.

5. Wireless phone charger

I‘m on my phone too much. Especially when I need to study. With a wireless phone charger, I can still listen to music but also I cannot pick up my phone if I want it to charge. Focus plant achieved the same of course, but it also drains the battery, so I combine it with the charger. Now I can’t access other apps or pick up my phone, but I can still listen to music.

6. Post-its and Agenda

I use thin colour coded post its in my agenda to keep track of upcoming deadlines and events, because I‘m bad with dates and uni can have a lot of deadlines . Each colour is a different category, and I put labels on the coloured parts that stick out the side; that way I can see at one glance which deadlines and events are up next.

[writingtoforgetreality]

Delicate - The Devil’s Daughter Chapter Nine (Lucifer Morningstar x Daughter!Reader)

[Lucifer-Masterlist], [The Devil’s Daughter-Masterlist]

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Summary: Amenadiel did not trust you one bit. Why? Well, you were not sure yourself. But you would find out soon. 

Words: 1,464

Warnings: language, angst, I think this chapter is good to go, (Y/E/C) = your eye color, (Y/A) = your age

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

Dinner was incredibly uncomfortable. Amenadiel had not stopped staring at you & you desperately wanted the floor to swallow you as a whole. The worst part was that Dan seemed oblivious to everything. You did not even bother engaging in their conversation. Mostly, your eyes trained on the little baby who you found out was named Charlie. He was really sweet. Not like his scary father with his stone cold stare.

“(Y/N)?” it was the first time Amenadiel directed his words at you. You almost choked on your food. Why were you thinking that he would not talk to you? It was bad enough that he made you queasy but him asking you something? Well, you were not necessarily prepared if you were honest.

“Um, yeah?” you had never sounded so ludicrous in your entire existence.

“Can we talk?” his eyes bore into yours. Dan kept eating like nothing was wrong about this situation.

“I guess.” an awkward chuckle left your mouth.

“I mean in private.” his voice was deep. You definitely did not want to mess with him. Eyeing Dan, you found him uninterested. He simply motioned for you guys to go ahead. Okay, what was going on? You had never met this guy before. And he just came waltzing in, demanding to talk to you. It was not really a demand. More like a question with a demanding undertone. Whatever it was, it left you uneasy. Getting up from the table, you gestured for him to follow you. He gave Dan some instructions how to deal with little Charlie & then entered your, or better said Trixie’s, bedroom behind you. The door fell closed & suddenly, you were alone with a stranger. Seemingly no way to escape whatsoever.

“So.” Amenadiel started.

“So.” you breathed out.

“Anything you wanna tell me?” his eyebrows raised questioningly.

“Should there be anything?” your head tilted, clearly showing that you had no clue what he wanted from you.

“What are you?”

“Usually, it’s “who” but-“

“No. What are you?” sounded like he was not in the mood for jokes. Truthfully, you were not either but you thought a little sarcasm would ease the tension between you two. When you did not give him an answer, he continued. “I know you aren’t human.” that made you stop in your tracks. (Y/E/C) eyes widened in fear.

“W-What?” you managed to stutter out.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t play dumb.” Amenadiel walked over to where you were sitting on the bed. Placing himself beside you but not too close, so there still was a good amount of distance.

“I…I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” by now, your eyes trained on your lap where your hands fiddled to avoid eye contact. It was not like he was a bad person or anything, just the way he talked & about what he talked was not really what you expected from one of Dan’s friends.

“I think you do.” he sighed out. “And if you’re not telling me then I believe we’ll have a problem.”

“Why would there be a problem?” your heartrate picked up its pace & you had no control over it. Your legs bounced & if you did not clench your hands into fists, the trembles would be visible.

“Because I can’t tell if you’re a threat or not.” he was being serious but to you, his statement was hilarious. Hence why you could not hold in a little laughter. Regaining your composure, you locked your eyes with his again.

“Do I look threatening to you?” a little smirk was plastered on your face. Everyone who knew you knew how you would never hurt anyone. Clearly, he thought otherwise.

“Yes.” that caught you off guard. A man like him being afraid of you? You, out of everyone? Did not sound real but whatever. He started speaking again. “As an angel, you can see someone’s true form. I can detect another angel, a demon. But when I look at you…I don’t see anything.” you were too shocked after his revelation of being an angel. That had to be a coincidence, right? He could very well be lying. So why did you believe him when he told you that? Still, you would not let your guard down. Not that easily.

“Isn’t it good when you don’t see anything? Means I’m no demon, right?” whatever you said, it was the wrong thing. Because the man next to you looked amused.

“You kinda gave yourself away with your answer. You weren’t shocked when I said I was an angel.” oh, you were shocked but probably not like a human being would be. “So that brings me to my conclusion that you aren’t human. I’m asking you again…What are you?”

“You know my name, right?” you looked at him expectantly. After a nod from him, you kept going. “Then it should be an easy one for you to put two & two together.” now it was his turn to look confused. Rolling your eyes at him, you explained further. “(Y/N). The big, bad angel nobody wants to get too close to.” your hands gestured exaggeratedly but Ameandiel’s face was still full of confusion.

“I don’t know an angel named (Y/N).” he mumbled it more to himself. “Did father send you?”

“Father? You’re talking about the Big Guy?” your eyes rolled. Of course, if Amenadiel was an angel then it would make God his father. “Trust me, I’d still be up there if it weren’t for me leaving right away.”

“Right away as in you turned (Y/A)?”

“Bingo.” you smiled at him. “Look, Amenadiel…If God sent you to bring me back tell him to stop trying so hard. Because I won’t ever go back.” you grew more & more angry.

“Nobody sent me.” again, it sounded like the truth. “But I’m not lying when I say that I don’t know an angel named (Y/N).” that, on the other hand, sounded like a big fat lie.

“Sure thing.” you laughed. “You’re here to make fun of me then?”

“No, I’m-“ but you interrupted him.

“I can’t believe you…” you whispered while shaking your head. “For (Y/A) years, no other angel gave a single shit about me. I’m leaving heaven & all of a sudden the others care? Or make fun of me? Trust me when I say you’re too late.” you got up from the bed, approaching the door. Yet, you came to a halt the moment your hand touched the doorknob. Shoulders sunk down. If you were honest, you were kind of hurt right now. When Amenadiel started talking again, his voice was much softer.

“I didn’t know you existed. And by the way you’re talking about heaven…it doesn’t sound like you had the best experience.” you scoffed at that. “Though I can only believe you if you show me your wings. You could be a demon, after all.” it was weird for him to meet someone who claimed to be an angel. But only because he could not see your true form. Whatever was going on with you he had never seen before. He had not even known that something like that was possible. That was, of course, if you really were an angel. If not, you could be a threat still. And he would not let you get too close to Charlie if that were the case.

“Forget it.” turning around again, your arms crossed over your chest.

“Then it means you’re a threat.” he pointed out, slowly getting up to walk over to you. When you instinctively took a step back, your body pressing against the closed door, then he came to a halt. You were uncomfortable, he could tell.

“I’m not a threat.” you breathed out through gritted teeth. “It’s not like I don’t wanna show you my wings. It’s more like I can’t.” your head hung low, thinking about the bandage on your back that probably needed to be changed soon.

“And why is that?” you were drained entirely. Like your social battery was empty. Besides, it was probably easier to show him than to explain everything. Grabbing the edges of your shirt, you turned around & lifted it enough to show the bandages. Blood leaked through. Not a lot but still. You flinched when you felt him remove it. He was careful but it was a very vulnerable moment for you. After all, nobody but the archangels & God had seen your wounds & scars before. You heard Ameandiel letting out a shaky breath. How you wished you could see his face, his reaction, right now. It felt like hours before you heard him talking again. And you could only make out his voice because the room had gone entirely silent.

“What did they do to you?”

~to be continued~

Next Chapter

Published (04/12/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @fandomqueen2003, @natashaashleymarvelromanoff, @severewobblerlightdragon, @tenderlyunlikelyexpert, @zoseph, @suffering-canucks-fan, @dad-ee-drea, @xbarrjallenx, @marvelofwitch, @aceofspace95, @julessbrown, @thevelvetseries, @kotkaniemi-caufield-mom, @crumpets-are-better-with-jam, @strangewhovian-blog, @officialfictionalwreck, @peachescream06 (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

[diffuserlover]

🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨

Hey there bub<33 how’s your summer going?? I was wondering if I could request a ship with Txt and Enhypen ?

I’m a ‘04 liner and, as a South Asian, am extremely proud of my heritage and culture. I can accept other cultures easily and love to learn about them so someone who is respectful and open about other cultures and heritages would be ideal. I feel that I want someone that I can kind of match with too like me and him could wear the same aesthetic and take cutesy pictures. I have a deep interest in the arts, from painting to dance-which I have been doing for the past 11 years- as well as biology and science in general. I don’t really have a specific favorite color or season cuz I think every color has its own vibes and every season brings something new to the table :)) I’m a bit indecisive and pretty bad at expressing jealousy, though I do put great emphasis on communication in any relationship. My love language is quality time but I do reserve physical affection for those close to me. I’m also a inconsistent in my endeavors and am working on that trait of mine, but I do better with consistency if I have someone constantly motivating me. (Lol the unfinished paintings in my room could probably tell u that) I also love public speaking and such but only until my social battery runs out haha. Plus I have an easier time trying something new if I have the comfort of a warm loved one near me. I prefer sunny blue skies and warm days with a light breeze, major picnic vibes lol. I can be a bit guarded though with what I say, even to the people who care about me the most, so I get along well with people who won’t misunderstand me. My parent’s , especially mom’s, opinion really do matter to me a lot and I am someone who thrives in social environments and cares about keeping a respectful and kind reputation towards all. I'd also love it if I could go on and on about different theories and topics , deep or not, with him. I need constant mental stimulation in a relationship and honestly, without it, I just get bored. I want to be able to learn from him and I want him to be able to learn from me. Like to just be a couple that is always trying and doing something new, but I also want to be able to relax with him as well when the world gets overwhelming. I feel that I, myself, have a hard time grounding myself so someone who can help me keep my feet on the ground and head in the clouds would be nice. I'm either totally logical when it comes to matters of the heart or totally head in the clouds. It's something that I am working on, but I do acknowledge that. As for pet peeves, I can't stand it when people come to me with an issue that I already tried to help them solve and they don't even take my solution. I need someone who is going to at least try to take my advice and not just throw it down the drain. Again, at times I can run away from my emotions and just be detached for no reason..I need someone who understands that and knows how to handle that. I like it when my loved ones are a little argumentative with me as well, as light teasing though, rather than being all sappy and lovey-dovey all the time. I need someone who isn't going to get too hurt by my way of joking and can joke back but knows not to cross the line. Fun fact: my friends unanimously agree that I’m the color yellow :))) and one of my fav movies is “Your Name”

Ahh sorry I tend to go a bit overboard 😅 but thank you so much <33 Hope you have a wonderful day/night 💕

Hii! Thank you so much for requesting!! I am so sorry that this took so long! Thank you so much for being so sweet😭🤗 I really hope you like your ships!! :)

TXT:

I ship you with…

Yeonjun

I feel like you guys are a great fit!😄

Yeonjun would love to take cute photos with you and dress anyway you want him to for those photos😊

Because you said you want someone who you can learn from I feel like Yeonjun would be a great fit, you said you liked dancing so I feel he would try to teach you new moves or the choreography to one of his songs😇

You both hold off in communication when it comes to jealous but overall your communication in the relationship is great other than when he’s busy with his schedules🙃

Yeonjun is your #1 hype man, he will do anything to comfort you, motivate you, anything, he will be there for you. Though he does expect for you to do the same🤣

I feel like he can always tell when your social battery has run out and does anything he can to make you feel better😚

He loves how you hold yourself, how strong, confident, and mature you are😁

He adores listening to your little rants about the topics you like, if he doesn’t know about them he will always listen and probably look up more about it so you guys can talk about it together🥰

You said you like when your s/o teases you, Yeonjun is that s/o, he loves having little arguments/teasing fights that are always fun🤗

You guys have the most stupid inside jokes only you two would understand it confuses the others😆

Overall, your relationship with Yeonjun is never boring and you guys are the cutest together😚

Enhypen:

I ship you with…

Jake

I think he would be very interested in your culture and asks you to teach him about it😊

He would hype you up when taking photos to the point where your embarrassed😆

He expects you to hype him up as well but he gets shy really easy😁

He is quite touchy with you, he only does it when you seem comfortable with it😚

Jealousy is a bit of a problem in your relationship because you both don’t express or talk about your jealousy well🙃

He’s always by your side when you are out in public, though you do most of the talking when it comes to strangers he likes being close to you😭😭

He will drag you out of bed across the floor to help motivate you to do things like finish some of your paintings(he adores them and plus loves your cute face when your focused)🤣

You and Jake have easy conversations, nothing is never awkward and you could talk for hours about either serious stuff or is things like of a straw has one or two holes☺️

You guys are quite adventurous 🤗

You guys push each other to do things😊

Jake hates when you push back your emotions and don’t let anyone in, he just wants to help you and he doesn’t k ow how to help you when you don’t tell him what’s wrong🥺

At first he had absolutely no idea how to help you when you pushed away from him🙂

Jake seems like a big romantic but he also loves to tease you and joke around with you😇

Overall you and Jake have such a precious relationship and you guys really understand each other🥰

[davids-cartoon-corkboard]

Do you think that if Shredder!Raph will occur in rottmnt, the aftermath might result in Raph inheriting some of Shredder’s rage even after saved? Maybe that is how the crew is going to implement Raph’s trademark temper throughout previous generations and maybe even make him have to step down due to it, making Leo the new leader?

Short answer: “Inheriting the rage of a centuries-old demon" is a dope-ass idea, so if you’re a writer I would definitely encourage you to use that in your own stuff. But I think that if Raph’s temper worsens throughout the show, it should be because of his own character development and not a magical effect. However, a Shredder!Raph scenario could contribute to said worsening temper by inflicting emotional/psychological damage instead. :)

Long answer ahoy!

Looking at “Many Unhappy Returns” from the Shredder’s perspective makes it very clear why he does what he does. Like, he’s been dead for five hundred years, and then something went wrong with his resurrection. He’s waking up with no idea where he is or what’s going on and oh shit those guys are pointing weapons at him, that’s a threat!

Note that he doesn’t even bolt for them immediately, he does a warning stomp and screech (back off!) before starting to approach.

Those other guys are yelling, that’s also a threat,

and they’re closer so he’s gonna attack them first, actually. (None of the Foot wind up even comically injured, suggesting that flailing them around was an intimidation tactic rather than genuine Murderous Intent.)

And then the first group attacks, so of course he’s going to retaliate.

And then suddenly he’s somewhere else, with other threats (the animatronics), and then the first group that attacked him is back, so he’s gonna fight them again.

And these jerks just keep following him? He’s not going to ignore that. And WOW that’s a lot of bright lights and loud noises, which are also threats, what the fuck is going on?!

And then this tiny human girl chucks a giant metal box at him, holy SHIT?! Sure, the Shredder is a dangerous antagonist, but at this point I wouldn’t call him a “bad guy”, he’s literally just responding to what’s happening to him.

In summary, the Shredder was stressed tf out because he didn’t know where he was or what was happening, he retaliated against perceived threats, and quite possibly wouldn’t have attacked the turtles in the first place if they hadn’t just rushed in without understanding the situation.

Gosh, doesn’t that sound familiar?

So yeah, I’m waiting for Rise to give us that good good Shredder!Raph content.

As for the possibility of Leo taking over afterwards... no, but also yes, sort of? On the one hand, we know that Leo does have leadership capabilities, and it would be a waste for the narrative to not explore that. On the other hand, Rise has broken from the status quo in many ways, and it would also be a waste for the show to do a complete 180 and return to Leo Being The Leader™.

Consider how the “leader” role has influenced Leo in past iterations: his perfectionism wears on him and his brothers, any failure tanks his self-esteem, he feels isolated from the rest due to taking on such a large share of responsibility, being an authority figure grinds everyone’s gears, etc. It’s just bad for his mental health.

No doubt all this responsibility will also wear on Rise!Raph as the story progresses and the stakes get higher. It will be bad for him as well. But if Raph steps down, Leo will once again suffer from the weight of this role. So if neither option is quite correct, if neither brother can shoulder the burden of leadership alone, then the solution is just... for neither of them to shoulder the burden of leadership alone. Sure, Raph will probably remain leader in title and in spirit, but Leo taking on a sort of “deputy” role makes sense from a strategic standpoint, and would be good for his character development.

Here’s how I think it could go down:

The Shredder!Raph scenario will be different from the Shredder!Draxum scenario. The Shredder was starved for mystic energy the first time around, so he immediately chewed Draxum up and spit him out. But Raph could be compared more to a battery than a meal; it will take a while for the Shredder to drain him. And at this point the Shredder could be back in “evil samurai” mode, and thus will understand the value of holding Raph hostage.

Y’all who have followed my blog for a bit know about my “Raph is a system” theory; that when he was little, he got separated from his family and pursued by some cryptid hunter. This trauma formed Savage Raph, who is able to handle “being lost/alone/threatened” when Host Raph cannot. “Pizza Puffs” didn’t give us a lot of info about who I’m calling “Red Raph”, but he made his presence known when Host Raph was sort of... "emotionally alone”? In that his brothers were dying a little bit and too stoned to care.

So if Raph is trapped inside a living cage, scared and helpless and hurt and exhausted, his family unable to help him... he’s not going to be able to handle it.

Or, rather, Host Raph isn’t going to be able to handle it.

These two can, though.

I’m imagining a scene in the mindscape where the Shredder says something like “Your pathetic family cannot bear to strike you down, and so there is nothing that can stand in m- wait, why are there three of you OW FUCK-” Red and Savage will mentally kick his ass long enough for the other turtles to rip off a chunk of the armor so Leo can portal it into another dimension or something. Shredder gets K.O.’d since he’s not whole anymore, and the battle is won.

Since the armor didn’t drain Raph as severely as it did Draxum, he won’t become as weak as Draxum did. However, it will still take him some time to recover. Raph trusts Leo in serious moments as of “Many Unhappy Returns”, and he already took charge when Raph wasn’t available back in “Man vs. Sewer”. So Raph will be like, “Hey Leo, can you handle the Mad Dogs for a bit? Just long enough for me to get back on my feet.” And Leo will be like, “Sure bro, I’ve got this.”

He does not, in fact, “got this”. Leo’s ego has caused trouble before (”Shell in a Cell”, “Minotaur Maze”), and being in charge will no doubt go to his head. This has the potential for both comedy and seriousness, leading to wacky mishaps and genuine danger. Being the leader is hard work and it’s not always fun, but someone has to do it and Leo will have to put the others before himself for it to get done. Once Leo realizes this, he could bond with Raph by asking for his advice on leadership. Sometimes Leo will follow the advice and sometimes he won’t, sometimes that will work out and sometimes it won’t, laying the foundation for the idea that there are situations where it will be better for one or the other to lead, rather than having one lead all the time. But that will only happen for a few episodes, because Raph will heal quickly and he’ll be the leader again and everything will be fine!

Everything will not, in fact, be fine. Raph is the strongest in the family, the tank, the one who can take a hit so the smaller ones don’t have to... the idea of being hurt, of being weak, scares him because his family is also in danger if he’s unwell. So I don’t think he’ll acknowledge to anyone, not even himself, that getting possessed hurt him emotionally as well as physically. And when a wound isn’t acknowledged, it doesn’t get tended to, and when a wound isn’t tended to, it gets worse.

That he’s a system will add another layer of complexity to this. The Shredder!Raph incident would make all the alters aware of each other via mindscape shenanigans, but it would also leave them with the fear of not being in control, so I think they’ll come in conflict with each other for a bit. They’ll argue with themselves, switch, and lose time more often, enough that it impedes their ability to function and the other characters start to notice something is wrong.

Host Raph will convince himself that Everything Is Fine and try to get things “back to normal”, which probably means he’s just straight-up not going to acknowledge that he's a system. He’ll rationalize that he’s always “gotten weird” from time to time, so it’s nothing to think too hard about... right?

Savage Raph will be on high alert because they just survived a near-death (a near soul-destroying) experience. He’ll probably take the front and go overboard fighting some villains that Host Raph could have ordinarily fought on his own. It might also take a while to convince Savage Raph that these “sewer monsters” who keep following him around really don’t mean him any harm.

Red Raph will get snappy (pardon the pun) about the more social aspect of “not being in control”; that Host Raph asked Leo to be in charge and then Leo started being an egotistical dumbass. And when Leo does make the right decisions, Donnie and Mikey might side with him over Raph, and that will also grind his gears.

Mix all that together and you have a recipe for a capital b Breakdown.

So yeah, I can definitely see how the Shredder!Raph incident and its aftermath would worsen all three of their tempers, trauma will fuck up your emotions real bad. Perhaps Host Raph loses faith in himself and tries to step down and get Leo to replace him as leader... only for Leo to be like “Bro I cannot do this full time I will one hundred percent have my own Breakdown if that happens.”

The life lessons here are that Leo learns to offer support by sometimes taking the leader role; not to benefit his own ego, but because he wants to help Raph. And Raph learns to accept support by letting Leo be in charge sometimes; not because he’s weak or incapable, but because he can’t always be a Staunch Immovable Rock and he needs to let himself rest by trusting Leo.

And then the Raphs can work on communicating, cooperating, letting their allies know about them, digging into their trauma, etc. now that they have some breathing room.

(Do you think the Hidden City has therapists? Steven Universe and Mao Mao both have therapists can we BLEASE get one for Raph.)